U know a joke?

[Satan]

tell it then!

[arcadia]

whats pink and hangs out your underpants ?

your mother........... :-D

[SZABLA]

Two canibals are eating a clown. when one turns to the the other, and says "does this taste funny to you?"

[autistic_asFoRK]

good one

[SZABLA]

HERE IS ANOTHER
whats green and smells like pork?..............................Kermits finger

[lithiumjunky]

how is a woman like Kentucky Fried Chicken?

After you're done with the legs and breasts all your left with is a greasy box to stick your bone in.

Yeah, I know it's bad.

[Yow]

i only know bad pick up lines...

So here is one for ya..

do you know anythign about real estate? **zip** flash the girl***

Is this a lot?

[EvilCorporateWhore]

my racist joke of the day...

three doods... a black guy, a mexican, and a cracker(white dood) find a jeanie.
and the jeanie grants them each one single wish...
"anything you little fuckers want, it's yours." replies the jeanie.
so the black guy says, "anything? i want all my strong black brotha's 'n sista's to be free, back in africa!
*poof*
"done." exclaimed the jeanie."now what about you my mexican friend?"
"i want all my troubled people to be happy and free back in mexico, united as one!"
*poof*
"so be it." again, with a snap of his fingers it was done.
"now what about you, what is it that you wish for?" he carefully asked the white man.
"hmm, so you're telling me all the blacks are back in africa... and all the mexicans are back in mexico?"
"that is correct." answered the powerful jeanie.

"shit, i'll have a coke."


*BAM*
http://img113.exs.cx/img113/465/cokecan4bp.jpg

evilcorporatewhore inc.® is in no way affiliated with racism, nor does it believe in segregation or nationalism.

[Empress]

zig told me this one and i LOVE it.


A horse walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Hey, why the long face?"




Ba Dum Bum!

[Empress]

or another.

There's a new pirate movie coming out. It's rated AAARRRRRRRRRR.

;)

[jbx182]

funny ECW, funny joy. another variation:
Why are pirates so popular?
They just arrrrrr!

What do you call a fish with one eye?
A fsh.

okay, that was dumb...one more!

Why did the eskimo wash his clothes in tide?
Because it was too cold out tide.

[luvusoon]

What does Michael Jackson and Wal-Mart have in common?.......they both have boys underwear half-off!

[EvilCorporateWhore]

do you know what pope john paul's real name is?

bob.


bob pope.


BwuahhaHaha... i laughed my ass off when my friend told me that. it's stupid, but if you say it very nonchalantly, it's comedy gold!

[chrizzow]

my racist joke of the day...


This joke is from the movie "Boondock Saints" :mrgreen: I LOVE this movie !!

[EvilCorporateWhore]

This joke is from the movie "Boondock Saints" :mrgreen: I LOVE this movie !!
shit is it??

yeah i love that movie too.. seen it a long time ago. i don't remember that joke from the movie, i must be losing it. my friend told it too me over pints one night.

great movie though.. i forgot about that classic. the dialogue is great.

[lithiumjunky]

why couldn't the pony sing at the party?

He was a little horse

[lithiumjunky]

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Fuck Her!

[lithiumjunky]

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and the man on the moon?

The Man on the Moon lives on the moon and Michael Jackson fucks little boys

[SZABLA]

what do you call two gays rolling down a hill?...............................rollaids

[BlackZarak21]

what do you call two gays rolling down a hill?...............................rollaids

ROFL!!

[Empress]

what do you call two gays rolling down a hill?...............................rollaids
oh man...............

[Satan]

whats pink and hangs out your underpants ?

your mother........... :-D
AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

[Satan]

or another.

There's a new pirate movie coming out. It's rated AAARRRRRRRRRR.

;)
u stole both my jokes!

[Satan]

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead.

[Satan]

Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
He was stapled to the first monkey's back.

[Satan]

Why did the THIRD monkey fall out of the tree?
Peer Pressure.

lol


stupid, but when u tell that shit, its like ECW's joke... peole laugh.

[EvilCorporateWhore]

here's a classic...

there was this man going through a checkout at a local grocery store.
as he made his way up to the front the woman glanced at him, smirked, then began to scan his items.
the man had nothing unusual, carton of eggs, bag of milk, bread, and other various items.
when she was done, the cashier looked at the man and said, "oh, i see you're single."
the man lowered his brow, "wow, you can tell that just from the items i purchased?"
the woman laughed.

"no... cuz' you're fuckin' ugly."

[Empress]

u stole both my jokes!
you didn't tell me that one! and i gave you credit for the first.

[lithiumjunky]

What's a bag of milk?

[lithiumjunky]

Why do mice have such small balls?

Not many of them can dance

[EvilCorporateWhore]

What's a bag of milk?
http://img59.exs.cx/img59/6264/bagmilk9cc.th.jpg (http://img59.exs.cx/my.php?loc=img59&image=bagmilk9cc.jpg)

under which rock do you reside under?

[lithiumjunky]

Crazy. In my world milk doesn't come in a bag. It comes in cartons, jugs and bottles, but no bags. So to me that's the new hot shit.

[EvilCorporateWhore]

lol, we have those forms of milk too.

[lithiumjunky]

You just have an extra one. I guess you're just lucky like that.

[Indie2005]

There's two man on the top of the Eiffeltower in Paris. The first man says to the other: "Ok, let's make a bet". The first man continues:" I'll jump from the Eiffeltower, spread my arms, spread my legs and before I hit the ground, I'll fly away".
The second man looks at the first man, then looks down the Eiffeltower and made up his mind.... He's gotta be crazy.
"Fine by me, mr first, hey, I'm always in for a bet, so if you jump and fly away, so will I"
"Fine", the first man says, backs up a little and runs, jumps over the fence and falls down to earth in record-time. One meter above the ground he spreads his arms, he spreads his legs and....... flies away.
"Damn" the second man thinks by himself, "How did he do that?"
But hey, a bet is a bet, a man a man, and a word a word.
"I said I'd do it, so here I go", the second man screams out, and backs up, runs, jumps over the fence and falls like he never did before.
One meter above the ground, he spreads his arms, he spreads his legs, and...... KABLAAAAM !#$$@@$%^. He hits the concrete hard, and I mean really really hard!!!

Just before he dies, he hears this voice coming from the sky: "That wasn't a funny joke, Gabriel"

:mrgreen:

[Empress]

There's two man on the top of the Eiffeltower in Paris. The first man says to the other: "Ok, let's make a bet". The first man continues:" I'll jump from the Eiffeltower, spread my arms, spread my legs and before I hit the ground, I'll fly away".
The second man looks at the first man, then looks down the Eiffeltower and made up his mind.... He's gotta be crazy.
"Fine by me, mr first, hey, I'm always in for a bet, so if you jump and fly away, so will I"
"Fine", the first man says, backs up a little and runs, jumps over the fence and falls down to earth in record-time. One meter above the ground he spreads his arms, he spreads his legs and....... flies away.
"Damn" the second man thinks by himself, "How did he do that?"
But hey, a bet is a bet, a man a man, and a word a word.
"I said I'd do it, so here I go", the second man screams out, and backs up, runs, jumps over the fence and falls like he never did before.
One meter above the ground, he spreads his arms, he spreads his legs, and...... KABLAAAAM !#$$@@$%^. He hits the concrete hard, and I mean really really hard!!!

Just before he dies, he hears this voice coming from the sky: "That wasn't a funny joke, Gabriel"

:mrgreen:
lol good punch line...i've never heard that one before.

[KewlTalon]

that is a howler..... damn that was funny!!! I cant wait to tell it!!!!

[SZABLA]

what do you call two black guys in a sleeping bag?......................TWIX

[BlackZarak21]

The only time I've seen a bag of milk was in National Lampoon's Vegas Vacation.

[lithiumjunky]

I see bags of milk all the time. They're called nursing mothers.

[BlackZarak21]

the technical name for those are called "funius bagimous"

[EvilCorporateWhore]

we also have special, government run stores soley for the purpose of selling beer, and liquor. but they are seperated.

like, you can get beer at the liquor store(in 6's) but you can't get liquor at the beer store... yes, it's just called 'the beer store'. lol.

http://www.modek.com/Signs/Beer-Store-(sign).jpg

[BlackZarak21]

When you have a name like "The Beer Store", you have just totally given up on creativity.

[lithiumjunky]

Is the liquor store called "The Liquor Store"? Here they just call it the ABC Store.

and on with a joke.

How does a West Virginia mother know her daughter is on the rag?

Her son's dick tastes funny.

[EvilCorporateWhore]

Is the liquor store called "The Liquor Store"? Here they just call it the ABC Store.

nope.. the LCBO (Liquor Control Board of Ontario) in ontario ofcourse. not sure what they are called outside of ontario....

i believe its 'the beer store' all over canada. but i'm not sure. i think in quebec they sell them in store like you folks in the states. but quebec is full of dirty hippies, so they are fucked anyway.

[BlackZarak21]

but quebec is full of dirty hippies, so they are fucked anyway.

I can't stop laughing over that.

[lithiumjunky]

dirty pseudo french hippies

[SZABLA]

HOW DO YOU CLEAR OUT A IRAQI BINGO HALL?.......................call out B 52

WHY ARE BRICKS RED?....................................you would be too if you got laid in public

[Indie2005]

A man walks along a lonely beach. Suddenly he hears a deep voice shout, "DIG". He looks around, but nobody's there. I am having hallucinations, he thinks.
then he hears the voice again, "I SAID DIG!!!" So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands and after some time, he finds a small chest with a rusty lock. The voice says, "" OPEN!!" So the man opens the chest and he sees lots of gold coins.
"TO THE CASINO" the deep voice tells him. The man takes the coins and goes to to the casino."ROULETTE!", the deep voice says.
So he changes all the gold coins into roulette tokens and goes to one of the tables. The deep voice says:"27!!!!" He takes the whole pile of roulettetokens and drops it at 27. The table nearly burst, people comming closer, also having heard the voice, waiting to see what's going on.
Everybody is quiet when the croupier throws the ball. The ball stays at 26. The deep voice says: "SHIT!!!"

[Indie2005]

Sitting on the train with a young nun, the bishop was doing a crossword puzzle. "Three across", he said out loud, "exclusively female, four letters, and ends in U-N-T".
"Aunt", the nun says.
"Shit" said the bishop, "have you got an eraser?"

[Indie2005]

St Peter has a day off and Jesus is standing in for him. Whilst booking in the new arrivals, Jesus notices an old man in the queue who seems very familiar. When the man gets to the front of the queue, Jeus asks him his name.
"Joseph".
Jesus looks the old man in the eyes. Could it be...? What's your occupation?
"Carpenter"
Now Jesus get's over exited, and a tear is running from his eyes.
"Did you have a son?" he askes the man, who answers with a friendly "Yes".
"Did he have wholes in his wrists and feet?" Jesus asks. "Yes", the man answers.
Jesus looks at the oldman, starts crying and shout, "Father, father!!!"
The old man looks puzzeled, and answers... "Pinocchio??" :-D

[lithiumjunky]

all of those three jokes are great. I'm currently laughing my ass off. Pinocchio?

[Empress]

A man was walking home alone one night when he hears a BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...
behind him. Walking faster, he looks back, making out an image of an upright
coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards
him...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...

The man begins to run towards his home, and the coffin bounces quickly after
him, faster...faster ...BUMP ... BUMP ...BUMP. He runs up to his door,
fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, and locks the door behind
him. However, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the
coffin flapping...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP... on the heels of the terrified man.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is
pounding. With a CRASH, the coffin breaks down the door. Coming slowly
towards him, the man screaming, reaches for something, anything...

All he can find is a box of cough drops!

Desperate, he throws the cough drops at the coffin ...



...and...of...course,



...the coffin stops!

[Indie2005]

The seven dwarfs are in Rome and they go on a tour of the city. After a while they go to the Vatican and meet the pope. Grumpy, for once, seems to have a lot to say. He keeps asking the pope questions about the church, and in particular, nuns.
"Your Holiness, do you have any really short nuns?"
"No my son, all our nuns are at least five feet tall."
"Are you sure?, I mean, you wouldn't have any nuns, that are, say, about my height? Maybe a little shorter?"
"I'm affraid not, but why do you ask?"
"No reason.... you are positive? Nobody in a habit that's three feet tall or less?"
'" I'm sure" The pope answers.
Grumpy looks dejected at this news, and the pope wonders why, so he eavesdrops on the dwarfs as they leave the building.
"What did he say? What did he say?". chants the other six dwarfs.
"He said they don't have any.." Grumpy says.

And the other six are chanting... " Grumpy fucked a penguin, Grumpy fucked a Penguin... "

[Cybermike]

A women who is nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband "I look horrible, fat and ugly.... please pay me a compliment?"

The husband replies "Well, your eyesight's spot on....."

[Cybermike]

A man walks into a bar dressed as Shakespeare.

The barman says "Get out - you're barred"

[Cybermike]

A lady with a clip board stopped me in the street the other day. She said "Can you spare a few minutes for Cancer research?"

I said "All right, but we're not going to get much done......"

[Cybermike]

Two men are walking through a graveyard with their dogs.
As they pass one of the men turns to the other and says "Morning"
The other man replies "No, just walking the dog"

[Cybermike]

Keeping with the pirate theme earlier in the thread:

Q: What do you get when you cross a paedophile and a pirate?

A: Arrrrrrrr Kelly

[SZABLA]

a man walks into a bar, and he has a really small head. the bartender looks at him and asks why you have such a small head. the man says to the bartender i was walking through the desert one day, when i found a lamp. i rubbed it and a genie popped out. she gave me three wishes. what did you wish for said the bartender? 1st wish was for a sports car, 2nd wish was for 1 milion $ and the 3rd wish was for her to fuck me. but the genie said sorry i cant do that, so i said HOW ABOUT A LITTLE HEAD INSTEAD.

[Satan]

....so i was fucking this guy up the ass... really hard, and he reaches under, and tickles my balls. i was like 'dude, dont be such a fag'

[jbx182]

that's fuckin' hilarious, ziGx :grin:

How can you make a gay man scream twice?
Fuck him real hard. Then wipe your dick off on his curtains.

The residents of a small redneck town urge the sheriff to arrest the local homosexual. Seems he's been propositioning all the teenage boys in town. The sheriff ditfully arrests the fag and says to him, "ok homo, you got 15 minutes to blow this town!" The fag says, "I'll need at least two hours."

[Cybermike]

Ben Affleck goes to the doctors and says,
"Doctor doctor, every time I look in the
mirror I get aroused."

The doctor replies, "I'm not surprised...
you're a cunt."

[EvilCorporateWhore]

what do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

nothing, you've already told her twice.

[papichulito_tx]

Why dont eskimos wear skirts?....


Because they get chapped lips! ha

[Bulldog]

how do you get a woman to pick cotton???

Light the string on fie...

[scratch0009]

What time is bedtime around the Michael Jackson household?

When the little hand touches the big hand...

[scratch0009]

Did you hear? West Virginia just invented a new use for sheep.....

WOOL

[scratch0009]

actually heard a guy say this to a girl......

"Can I smell your panties?"

Girl: "NO!"

"It must be your feet!"

[scratch0009]

Guy: "Do you know the difference between a hamburger & a blowjob ?"

Girl: "No !"

Guy: "Let's do lunch !!!"

[Empress]

how do you get a woman to pick cotton???

Light the string on fie...
OUCH!!

[SZABLA]

WHAT DO ELEPHANTS USE FOR TAMPONS?...........................SHEEP

WHATS THE FASTEST ANIMAL ON EARTH?.........................ETHIOPIAN CHICKEN

[Yow]

if you only heard some o fthe things i told women... true stories or not i just like to make them smile